and i realized that i don't really write anymore

outside my own mind

because i am busy

and you are busy

and i am doing so many things

that i think are meaningful

and i know are meaningful

to somebody

but not necessarily to me

they are meaningful to the people who write letters of recommendation and sign paychecks and let girls with high hopes go to grad school but they are not particularly meaningful to me

i am alarmingly bad at saying no

but i am getting better

my heart has been so busy that she's learned to tie herself in knots

when it is entirely unnecessary

because

she is accustomed

to being tied in knots